Here is a snippet from a conversation my mom and I had over dinner tonight*
“God, mom, you never LISTEN to me!!!” [in whiny teenager voice]
“Well do you ever listen to me?” [in calm-mom voice]
“Yes. A lot! [pause] Sometimes!”
“Oh. When’s that?”
[exasperated] “When you tell me what I want to hear!!!!!!!”

Somehow I’ve never exactly grown out of adolescence. It doesn’t seem to matter that I work full-time to pay my bills, or that I am well aware that I am responsible for the consequences of my actions. I have bought my own house. I sold that adorable little townhouse too, without even using an agent! No matter what way I part my hair, at any given time no less than two (2) gray hairs are visible. I am closer to 30 than 20.

All these trappings of adulthood vanish into thin air when my mom is in a 20 foot radius. When we are in the same room, it’s like I possess a flux capacitor and suddenly my mom and I (plus anyone unfortunate to be in earshot) is channeled back to ca. 1994, where I am a miserable teenager and my mom (according to me) is the stupidest person alive. I hope to someday grow out of this. In the meantime I try to be respectful and behave. I know I am not doing a good job with it and I will probably be reincarnated as a barnacle.

*At Chardonnay’s in Rehoboth, MA on rt 44; great wood grilled pizza! I think its at least as good as Gourmet (on Hope St. on the East Side) though my dad thinks Gourmet is decidedly better.