1) Eat a quart of ice cream, almost entirely by yourself. Specifically from Babcock’s, a local Wisconsin dairy which is not to be missed if you are ever in Madison. This is like a sprint triathlon because it was completed in a mad-dash fashion, as far as pacing is concerned.
2) Eat so much junk food you never want to look at any of it again. This includes but is not limited to: Caramel wafer cookies from Trader Joes, Ritter Sport chocolate, chocolate covered coffee beans, white cake with cream cheese icing, IHOP waffles with whipped cream and strawberries, cheez crunchies, chocolate covered pecan clusters, Cold Stone Creamery ice cream, cashews, blondies, Goldfish crackers, in no particular order. This is like triathlon because you know it is excessive, sick, and wrong, yet it feels so good.
3) Go to Hot Yoga. This is like triathlon because your heart rate increases and when it is over you think you might puke, and then you spend the rest of the day rehydrating.
4) Organize Jewelry. This is exciting because now that you are no longer training for an ironman you a) have time to organize your beads and baubles and b) will even have a chance to wear them again. Tackle boxes make excellent organizers for your sparkly shiny things. This is not like a triathlon in any way shape or form.
5) Sleep for twelve hours (in a row). Like a triathlon, this is sort of an endurance event.