I don’t know how to say this nicely and subtlety is not my specialty… The thing is, we’re over. It’s not you, it’s me. Seriously. I am just not feeling it. I probably shouldn’t have committed to you in the first place, but it seemed like the thing to do at the time. I was 29 and afraid it would be my last chance to do an ironman when I signed up. Since then, I realized there will be plenty of other ironmans, and if they are worth doing, they will still be there when I’m ready. The thing is, I’ve made the commitment before. I know how much work it is. All the early mornings and late nights. The mountains of laundry. The feeling of having a tapeworm and having to eat a LOT to keep it under control…. Ok I like that last part.

But seriously, I feel kind of claustrophobic around you lately, like you’re smothering me. When you’re around, I feel like I can’t commit to things like brunch, camping trips, hikes, out of town visitors, or even social rides and runs. It’s like you you you all the time. I have needs too! Did you even think of that? There’s actually more to life than swimming, biking, and running. I am done with reeking of chlorine all the time. I am tired of scheduling everything around training. Also, this is totally not necessarily your fault but I’m just going to tell you. Lately I feel worse when we’re together, not better. I get insecure that I’m not as fast or as strong as I should be. Which is totally crap. I so don’t need your negative energy.

So I’m bailing. If there’s one thing I hate, its lack of accountability, so I am sorry about this. But I am confident there will be tons of cute, fast girls up in Idaho this summer, so I don’t imagine you will miss me too much. And I am not saying we can’t ever get back together. Just not in the foreseeable future. I hope you understand this isn’t about another ironman. I’m not into Wisconsin or Lake Placid, or any of them. I just need some time to myself so that when I am ready again, I will really be ready.

Sincerely,
Pam