My Valentine’s Day Retrospective

Diaries of Valentines Days’ gone by
*some names have been changed to protect the innocent

1982: I made a Valentime for my mom out of tissue paper hearts and it was so pretty. Also, when I came downstairs for breakfast, there was chocolate and a Valentimes card for me on the kitchen table.

1990: I had a Valentine’s Day party in the basement. Adam DJ’ed. It was really fun even though Peter Blumberg came. He came up to me in school and he was like “I think there was an oversight because I was not invited to your party.” Mom and Dad said I had to invite him even though he is a total dork. It wasn’t that bad though. We played Spin the Bottle. No one really did anything though. Like no one french kissed. I kind of have a crush on Jeremy but Jen likes him too. Seth asked me out in Social Studies last week. He passed me a note and it said “Will you go out with me?” and I waited but only for like five minutes and I wrote him back and I was like “Sorry, no.” How come no one I like likes me??????? I will NEVER have a boyfriend:(

1995: Andrew sent me a Valentine. It was hand made, out of construction paper and I think a doily or something. It was super cute. But I don’t know if I like him anymore. I took the Valentine to the Dunkin Donuts on Thayer Street to show Wendy and Jessica. We always go there and order half coffee/half hot chocolate. Anyway, he wrote me this long letter, and he said he misses me and stuff. I might break up with him when I see him during spring break, the whole thing kind of freaked me out. Mom thinks I am going to fail my driver’s ed test because I am really bad at parking. I keep on telling her she is being really mean and picky about my driving but I really might fail. I can park in a regular parking spot or the driveway but parking against a sidewalk is super hard.

1998: This guy I met at a party asked me to go ice skating for Valentine’s Day. I don’t really even remember what he looks like. He got my number from this guy in his fraternity who is dating Jennie B. who is in my sorority, who after the fact was like “I hope its ok that I gave out your number.” That is so Jennie B. What does that mean, a first date on Valentine’s Day? On my machine, he was like “I wanted to see if you wanted to hang out on Friday night.” Hang out. So not “go out.” Which means this is not a date? And also does he not know Friday is Valentine’s Day? How can he not know that?? It sounds like a date. But even when I called him back, he was all casual about it. What the hell!? I am just going to act like its a date. I will bring money just in case, obviously, but he better pay for my ice skate rentals.

1999: For Valentine’s Day, I gave Dave this super-cute framed photo of us from my sorority semi-formal. He gave me a bobby pin with this rhinestone encrusted beetle on it. Seriously? Does he even know me? I think his mom picked it out, I really do. I am so pissed. I should break up with him. Not because of the stupid bobby pin, but just in general. He doesn’t even understand me, at all. Seriously I don’t know why I am with him. I don’t even wear bobby pins!!! Ever!!!

2001: James took me to Jimmy V’s, this fancy place in Raleigh for Valentine’s Day. I ordered the roast chicken. I didn’t want to eat anything too heavy because my first marathon is in THREE DAYS. THREE DAYS!? Oh MY GOD. It is really truly almost here. I am going to run A WHOLE FREAKING MARATHON. I feel like I have been training for this forever and now it is finally about to happen. Holy shit. Seriously, though, I would have gotten dessert but James wasn’t ordering any (I am actually pretty sure he has some major stomach issues) and I thought it would be weird if I got the dessert and he didn’t. The flourless chocolate torte sounded so good.

2003: Valentines Day is the worst holiday in the whole world. Me and Natalie went out and this adorable guy was hitting on her the whole night and no guys talked to me at all. I only had a tangerine and a veggie burger for dinner and then I drank too much and I got sick at the Orange County Social Club and also on the way home in Suzie’s car. I want to die I am so hung over.

2004: OMG. Chris announced like in front of the whole Tarwheels group ride basically that we are dating. I wanted to DIE. I didn’t even think we were dating at this point because I told him about this blind date I had coming up (with the Jewish doctor guy Kim is setting me up with) and how I wanted to be open to it, because this guy is about my age, and he has a job, and all this stuff, and Chris was super sad but I was like whatever its for the best, and then we got in this huge ginormous fight and afterward I was really upset because he was really upset and then I was up late crying and I was freaking out about the blind date because my eyes were going to be all puffy and I was going to look gross and I talked to Dad on the phone and he was like “I don’t care what you do, leave work early and take a nap if you have to, but if you don’t go out with this Jewish doctor, I will fly down and go out with him for you, so make it happen.” Anyways, I went out with him (my eyes ended up looking normal) and he obviously liked me because he took me to the Carolina-Duke game for our next date, (which he was supposed to take his brother to, but he gave me the ticket instead). I was totally flattered, but then it was weird because we lost big time, and he was acting really psycho about it, and then I never heard from him again. But its not like I want to get back together with Chris, except then he showed up for the ride and he gave me this fancy chocolate bar and a card and a huge hug in front of everyone and I just wanted to die. So now the whole world thinks we are dating and I don’t want to be dating him!!!! But I don’t have the energy to break up with him AGAIN. Christ. Why is my life so exhausting??

2005: Dad got me the Pella rollscreen door I have had my eye on for Valentine’s Day because he said sending flowers on Valentine’s Day is such a waste of money. This door is amazing. All you do is push a button and its a screen door. Then push a button and its a storm door. Amazing.

2008: I went to this Anti-Valentine’s Day party at Conor O’Neill’s and I met THE BEST GUY. I told him I had just moved here and I didn’t know hardly anyone but that I would soon (probably) and I liked to set people up and so I needed to know his type. He said his type was smart, kind, funny, loves the outdoors and beautiful. He also said he was 31 and a software developer and that he has his own business. I was like, “I know a girl for you… me!” And then we hung out the whole night. I seriously cannot wait another minute for him to call me. This is killing me.

2009: I got my nails done just in case Dan was planning to propose to me on Valentine’s Day. He texted me January 25th and asked my ring size so it was not out of the question. Anyways, still no ring. What is he waiting for???

To Everyone: Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

3 thoughts on “My Valentine’s Day Retrospective

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