I’ve never considered myself a big drinker. When I go the doctor for my annual physical I check off the box for “0-3” under Alcoholic Drinks Per Week. I never thought twice about it. Until now. It’s only been nine weeks since my last drink (but who’s counting?), so why do I miss my 0-3 drinks per week so much!? Maybe it was more than that? At the hospital, medical records of a patient with a drinking problem typically say “Patient admits to x drinks per day.” The rule of thumb is you double that in your mind. So in my case… We may be talking about 0-6 drinks per week. Who knows. I just know I really miss having a glass of wine while I make dinner. I miss going for happy hour and ordering the special instead of my new standby, grapefruit juice and soda water, or my other favorite, something “festive but non-alcoholic.” As if there was such a thing. So far every server I have bothered with this ridiculous request has humored me and brought me some sugary, fizzy, eight dollar beverage with an orange slice garnish.

Of course I am terrified totally overwhelmed with joy at the prospect of having a baby, don’t get me wrong. But have you ever been at a wedding with an open bar and drank nothing but water and Diet Coke? I have. When Dan ordered my drink for me at the bar, the guys turned to him and asked “When is your wife due?”

But there are times when my status as Only Totally Sober Person works to my advantage. Take this weekend for example. Dan and I met up with his sister and brother-in-law in San Francisco for a fancy dinner. I ordered my signature grapefruit and soda water, in case you were curious. It complimented the Angus beef quite nicely. Meanwhile, Dan had three cocktails. After dinner, I was fully alert. Dan was pretty buzzed. We passed Old Navy on the way back to our hotel. I easily lured him through its massive double glass doors and up the escalator to the Men’s section. In a relaxed state, Dan browsed casually while I pretended I was a contestant on Supermarket Sweep, collecting nearly everything in the store that appeared to be Dan’s size. Before my arm fell out of it’s socket from the pressure of the dozens of garments I had gathered, I gently coaxed him into the dressing room. There, I de-hangered, unbuttoned, and unzipped, each item with the dexterity of a concert cellist. A mere 45 minutes after we entered the store, we left with four new shirts for Dan and a pair of leggings for me. You should know that in the nearly four years since Dan and I met, we have shopped for clothing for him only one other time, and that was for the suit he wore to our wedding. Could I have pulled this this magnificent shopping feat off in any other state but stone cold sober? I think not.

I will continue to update you on any other advantages to not drinking as I encounter them, should there be any. In the meantime, what is a nice non-alcoholic treat you can order at a bar? And also, if you find yourself in a predicament such as this one, here is a great book for making your own non-alcoholic cocktails. The coolest thing about this is that my friend wrote it!!