Babies are uncivilized

I recently read an article by a well-known baby expert, and while most of the information was stuff I already knew, from books, articles, talking to other parents, observing Sweet Pea, etc., there was one statement that I cannot get out of my head. He stated “Babies are not civilized.” He went on to describe how as they become verbal, they don’t understand “please” or “thank you” and that they don’t know how to share.

Really? Was there ever any doubt that babies are nothing but very small, toothless barbarians? By all means, let me know if your baby starts her meals by placing her napkin on her lap. Maybe I’ve got it wrong.

My baby lets me know she’s hungry with a loud wail. Once she gets near me, the wail usually peters out to a rhythmic mutter/grunting noise as she starts angling her face toward my chest, then mashing her forehead against my sternum, flailing her arms, and clawing at my shirt. Once I get her set up, I have to be careful of her talons sharp little fingernails as she continues to grab at my chest until she’s totally comfortable. To be fair, I am probably to blame for her little claws, but trimming those things should be allowed only after you’ve completed a surgical residency. Otherwise, it’s scary for all involved.

Once she’s confident no one’s going to kick her out of this All You Can Drink event, Sweet Pea will relax her arms and snuggle in. Until she starts kicking her legs. You would not believe the power a 12 pound package can pack. Perhaps she was a kickboxing instructor in a former life. Meanwhile, I try to press her close to me in an effort to still her thrashing legs, hoping that physical restraint is perceived by passersby as a loving hug.

When this is all done, she belches and/or pukes. Then she is all gummy smiles.

And I needed an expert to tell me that babies aren’t civilized?

Leave a Reply