I heard this comedian talking about how if his dog could talk, the dog would be like, “Oh my god, dude. Last night we shut our eyes. And when it was morning again, we opened them! We are still alive! It’s amazing!”

I am so not like that dog. My typical morning begins when I hear Sweet Pea crying around 6:15. By 6:20, she’s either still crying or talking to herself, but I’m in the hellish position of being far too tired to open my eyes but just awake enough to be aware of my painfully full bladder. I get up to go to the bathroom and while I’m up, I check whether Sweet Pea has peed through her diaper overnight and toss a few books and toys into her crib. This will buy me at least 20 more minutes.  Still half in a coma, I will probably go back to sleep. Unless Dan has moved over to my side of the bed before I can crawl back under the covers. When I see him there, I tell him to please, please move over, but he won’t. He says he’s not moving and I’m already up so I might as well go for a run. Of course there are the odd mornings when I am meeting a friend to run, or when I am super serious about getting a tempo run or a track workout, and I press snooze once, twice max. But those mornings are the exception, not the rule.

On a typical morning, Sweet Pea starts her daily incantation around 6:45. “Mama? Mama? Mama? Mama?” Occasionally she will mix it up, throwing in the odd “Mommy-ah?” here and there. The only way  to get her to stop is to go in and see what she wants. And by see what she wants, I mean pick her up and take her back to my and Dan’s bed, which will buy me about ten more minutes to remain horizontal. It will cost me inadvertent kicks to the throat, intentional probing of my belly button, possible damage to bedside reading material, and the compromised safety of my glasses. It’s either that or get up and feed her breakfast. If you are wondering why I wouldn’t just choose the latter, you are obviously a morning person.

When I finally decide to rub the sleep out of my eyes and get up for real, I am motivated by one thing- my daily cup of coffee.

But just as a night owl like myself can occasionally get out of bed before daybreak and bust out an eight mile run by 7:30 am, a coffee person can try tea. And why not? Tea has a lot of benefits. Tea has antioxidants. Tea doesn’t give you coffee breath. If you’re picky like me, and you only like your coffee just the right strength with the exact right amount of half and half, tea is simple. It’s water and a tea bag, easy peasy.

I’ve been drinking Wu-Long slimming tea this week. It’s supposed to even out your blood sugar, particularly if you drink it before meals. This helps you avoid the blood sugar spike, which is followed by the crash that creates the feeling of hunger. Wait, what? A tea that can help you stay slim? That’s crazy, right? Wrong.

It’s not crazy compared to the really crazy shit I’ve done in the name of weight loss. I went through a phase in college where, every Wednesday, not eat until 5pm. I did the Zone diet for several months. I’ve probably kept at least a dozen different food journals over the years. I used to measure out my half and half, limiting it to one tablespoon. I tried diet pills once. I used to drink Crystal Light. Diet Coke was a former staple in my daily menu. And, last but not least, let us not forget my #1 Don’t Try This At Home Diet Tip: Eating the lightest of meals (if you count, oh, I don’t know, a nectarine and a Morningstar fake chicken breast as a meal) prior to a night out at the bars, in order to save precious calories for booze.

Wu-Long slimming tea is crazy strong. It’s crazy black. Is it crazy good? Being a coffee drinker, all I can say is, it tastes like the tea you get at Chinese restaurants. So I did some research, using test subjects who consider themselves regular tea drinkers. I randomly selected Dan and my good friend Joelle.

Over breakfast this morning, Dan took a few sips of the Wu-Long tea and exclaimed, “It tastes good.” Later this morning, while Joelle and I ignored our toddlers, she contemplated the taste of the tea and told me, “This is good black tea, and if it’s going to make me skinnier, why wouldn’t I drink it?”

 

Dan: Morning Person and Tea Drinker. All the proof you need that opposites attract.

Is Wu-Long slimming tea going to get me up in the morning? Only if it can magically transform itself into a crane.

Is Wu-Long slimming tea a more user friendly weight loss aid than any stupid thing I’ve tried before? You bet.

*This is a sponsored post.

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