A Primer for Making Small Talk With Pregnant Ladies

I am now every-stranger-feels-the-need-to-ask-me-if-I-am-almost-ready-which-I-am-not-thank-you-very-much weeks pregnant, aka) 30 weeks. That means nearly three months to go. Three months until my body is mine again except not because nursing and holding an infant, plus managing the constant and ever-changing demands of my mean boss toddler.

In case you feel compelled to make small talk with a pregnant woman, here are some things to keep in mind:

What you say: Wow! You look like you’re about ready to go!
What she hears: OMG You’re huge!

What you say: [in line for ladies room] Would you like to go ahead of me?
What she hears: Angels singing

What you say: When is your due date?
What she hears: You need to squeeze that baby out asap because you look uncomfortably HUGE.

What you say: You look great!
What she hears: Angels singing

What you say: Whoa, are you sure it’s not twins?
What she hears: Jesus H. Christ you are huge.

What you say: That is a great belly!
What she hears: Angels singing

What you say: Is this your first?
What she hears: Do you have any freaking clue what you are doing?

What you say: Are you sure you’re allowed to eat/drink/do that?
What she hears: The slurping sound of a sponge sucking up every last drop of fun

What you say: Seriously, you don’t even look pregnant from the back.
What she hears: Angels singing

Obviously, I jest. Mostly. Remember, pregnant women are people too, except they are carrying the extra weight of a baby elephant, they are exhausted but can’t sleep because of heartburn, and they are crazy hormonal. Tread lightly, wouldja?

30 weeks March 2014

Barefoot and 30 weeks pregnant



7 thoughts on “A Primer for Making Small Talk With Pregnant Ladies

  1. Rachael Jacob Jackson says:

    Other things maybe not to say to a pregnant lady: I was walking the dog at the park the other day and someone asked who was really getting the exercise. Or, “you look how i feel”… and that would be how exactly???
    My response when people tell me (in question form of course, they think they are asking) that i must be sooo done and ready for it to be over, is usually “actually no, my uterus is the best place for him and he can stay there as long as he needs”.
    The end of May will be here soon enough!

  2. Jessi says:

    This WAS my favorite:
    Seriously, you don’t even look pregnant from the back. One of the medical assistants said that at my final (36 week) appointment. I don’t think I really believed it, but,hey, it was nice!

    And, strangely, I didn’t get the twins thing (even though I was!).

    An old man at the bus stop (maybe around 30 weeks) said I needed to find more comfortable shoes. And that I shouldn’t be taking the bus.

    I think the worst thing was when people said “you shouldn’t do that”- usually pertaining to some physical thing like lifting a box or bending over to get something. Or even, you should sit down. It made me feel worse than I did. And powerless.
    I was always conscious of my own strength, balance and physical limitations [at the end of my pregnancy] and stayed true to that. However, even before my “vastness” even came into play, those around me trying to put constraints on what I could do. In that way, pregnancy is still treated like an ailment.

    • Pam says:

      I don’t mind if someone says “You shouldn’t do that!” if they are going to do it for me. I’ll be honest. I hate bending down. If I have to pick up one more toy off the floor, I swear to god…. Well, I’ll just do it anyway but I am so over it! I agree, pregnancy is not (typically) an ailment, but if someone wants to be extra kind to me because of it, I will graciously accept it. It certainly makes life harder even if it’s not an illness.

  3. liz says:

    Ok, I take full responsibility for the *twins comment, but it was only in jest. you look fantastic, as always!

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