Ten Minutes A Day For A Month

I’ve been talking about how I really need to meditate for a while now. This makes me kind of hate myself because I have very limited patience for people who talk about stuff instead of actually doing it. If you read my rant about all the people who hate Maria Kang then you already know this about me. (Remember the hot mom of three with a slammin’ body who asked the internet “What’s your excuse?” and everyone wigged out because of… excuses? Her). My excuse for not meditating was that I just didn’t have time.

Dan finally called me out.

“You have time to run. You have time to blog. You have time to work on your book. You don’t have time to meditate?”

Busted.

My mind is just all over the place so often. I’m trying to get twenty different things done at once and that makes me feel like I can’t do any one thing well or calmly. Even when I’m doing one simple thing, my mind is like a puppy yanking a hundred different ways on a leash, like OH MY GOD A STICK! A SQUIRREL!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME, IS THAT A PATCH OF GRASS TO SNIFF!?! WAIT, A FIRE HYDRANT!? DID I JUST WIN THE FREAKING LOTTERY!?!?!!! Except I’m getting dressed in the morning and I’m thinking MAKE THE BED! RESEARCH A NEW PEDIATRICIAN! CANCEL THE APPOINTMENT WITH THE OLD PEDIATRICIAN. WHO JUST TEXTED ME?? NO, KEEP THE APPOINTMENT JUST IN CASE! IS SWEET PEA SHOVING CHOKING HAZARDS IN LADY BUG’S MOUTH IN THE LIVING ROOM!? DON’T FORGET TO DEFROST THE MEAT FOR DINNER!!!!! I’ve managed to turn the simple act of pulling on my leggings into a Very Stressful Event.

And then there’s the stress of anything that requires me to make a choice. I love Pinterest but I hate it so, so, so much. I’m not jealous of other people’s Pinteresting lives. Well, sometimes I am, but I also sort of assume that the more perfect your life looks, the more it probably actually sucks because that would explain why you’re trying so hard to prove how perfect you are. What I hate about Pinterest is all the options. I searched Paleo oven fried chicken the other day and 20 minutes later I chose an idea for what to make for dinner. TWENTY MINUTES. That was twenty minutes I could have used wasn’t really even Paleo because it needed Panko (which, isn’t that made of breadcrumbs?) and crushed pecans are no substitute for Panko. Even though panko and pecan sound similar, if you encrust your chicken in pecans and oven fry it, your pecans will be a burnt mess.

I’m not actually Paleo, I’m just avoiding wheat and dairy because Lady Bug is quite… sensitive. That’s the most diplomatic way I can say that she is damn lucky she’s so cute and squeezable because if she weren’t I would have lost it by now.

Lady Bug has been coughing and congested for two months, she has eczema, and she wakes up about two or three times a night, crying and scratching herself, which is one of the most pitiful things I’ve ever seen. Before I had a sensitive baby, I’d heard of breastfeeding women who did drastic elimination diets and I didn’t know how they survived, but I also thought maybe they were secretly glad about it because not eating a lot of things probably means you drop the baby weight faster.

I’ve discovered that eliminating two major players from my diet is not actually that bad. I am, however, going to need more than four weeks without dairy and ten days without wheat to shed the last ten pounds. Another thing I’ve learned is that full fat coconut milk in the blender with some vanilla and honey is a decent alternative to half and half in your coffee. Actually, I found that idea on Pinterest, but it was the first recipe I found when I searched “Non dairy creamer” and I didn’t go nuts searching for THE BEST recipe. So I don’t always hate Pinterest.

Dan printed me out a calendar for the month of December. I will mark an X for every day that I meditate. It’s like an advent calendar for an anxious person who doesn’t celebrate Christmas. At the end, instead of getting a bunch of presents and eating a ham, I will have some mental peace. Hopefully. I’ll let you know how it goes.