5| Dr. Jenni Skyler, athlete and sex therapist: "I matter no matter what."
Guest bio
Dr. Jenni Skyler is an AASECT (American Academy of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists) certified sex therapist and a licensed marriage and family therapist. She has been the Director of The Intimacy Institute for sex and relationship therapy for over almost 12 years. She holds a doctorate in Clinical Sexology and a Master of Education in Counseling Psychology & Marriage and Family Therapy. In addition, Dr. Jenni offers sexological wisdom and advice as the in-house Resident Expert at Adam & Eve–America’s largest sex toy company.
When not working, Jenni loves to move her body. She was a three-sport athlete in high school, a beginner marathon runner in college, competed in triathlons in grad school, and eventually made her way to Crossfit. However, she has now retired from that as well!
Connect
Website: https://theintimacyinstitute.org
Instagram: @intimacy_institute
In this episode we discuss:
Gymnastics as a refuge from Jenni’s tumultuous childhood
Jenni’s journey from gymnastics to other sports: water polo, swimming, running, triathlon
How a knee injury interfered with her running and ultimately lead her to weight lifting and later CrossFit
What it looks like to work on shifting her “compulsive” relationship with fitness to one that’s focused on taking pleasure in movement
How her husband’s support and motherhood helped spark her new relationship with exercise
Why she quit CrossFit (at least for now) and why the “balls to the wall” approach stopped working for her
Getting rid of the scale
Uncoupling her worth from her weight
The core fears of being inadequate and lovable that drove her exercise habits—and how these same fears have also been a driver behind her professional and athletic success
The journey to knowing “I matter no matter what”
How Jenni’s mom, a sexual abuse survivor who struggled with bulimia and drug addiction influenced her life (and her career in particular)
Are soul mates really a thing?
Why it’s normal for women in long-term relationships to want to want sex (nope, not a typo!)
Advice on how to lean into sex with your long-term partner when your to-do list beckons
On mothering without a map
Her relationship with fear
Why (and how) she’s meditating
The e-course she’s offering couples via The Intimacy Institute
Quotes :
On sports: “The harder I worked the better I felt.”
“I was good enough [at sports] that it was validating”
“If I get on the scale and I see a certain number I’m okay… And that was not a way to measure my validation. So I had to put the scale away and never look at it again because I had to wake up and say I’m okay just the way I am no matter what the number on the scale is”
“I matter no matter what.”
“Ironically I am able to surrender into pleasure really well even though I don’t surrender in other areas of my life”
“I am a normal woman….[I think], well you know we can have sex or I can knock off seven things off my to-do list”
Links/resources
Couples Retreat E-Course from The Intimacy Institute (course)
Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers (book)
Ten Percent Happier (app)